Just Married

The other week I got married and whilst being a wonderful moment and a milestone in my life, I want to share an aspect to this which doesn’t usually make the headlines and forms my esoteric take on this ancient ceremony. It is such a shame that much of this ritual has been lost to a few words, an exchange of rings and a signature (or two). What was an opportunity to balance oneself in order to gain balance between two has been reduced to a public contract where you can call yourself ‘husband’ or ‘wife’.

The bond of marriage is a physical action where two people choose a way of bringing longevity into their relationship by forming a contract between them. This should be written with love or at least the feeling that the two can’t live apart. But to make such a contract with an ‘external’ other, you first need to find how the energies involved work within yourself.

To marry another is really to test the marriage of the polarities of male and female energy within. Gender is not important here, for the process is the same for gay as well as straight couples. The ancient ritual of marriage incorporated an internal balancing because time was taken to instil this in both partners as part of the ceremony. It was thought to be very important to start the marriage with this blessing to give it the best chance to succeed.

All of us are a balance of male and female: of passion and compassion. Therefore, the act of marring is to respect how these energies gel between two people but to do this we have to look at how they work in ourselves. Of course you don’t have to get married to do this but having just got married; I wanted to talk a little about the history of this ritual and why I felt it was important to me.

We live in a world where the passion of male energy has dominated ‘front of house’ for so long, whilst the power of female energy has been left to linger in the background even though it is the most insightful of the two and usually what is supporting everything else, albeit in a quiet way. This is the thing about female energy, although less reactive it is stronger and more powerful because it has to rein in the fiery passion of our will.

Historically, women have had to fight to gain equal rights in what has predominantly been a man’s world. This external need for men to control through dominant male energy reveals an imbalance that is going on inside both men and women. Divorced women, single mothers, strong minded women have all been persecuted because of a power that is female creativity and that amazing energy is still seen as a threat to men as well as to many aspects of social structures, like the workplace.

By looking at the balance of male and female energy we all challenge our behaviour and therefore social constraint. We must also find the right levels between passion and compassion: how we are made and what is influencing this balance coming from the outside. When looking at anything that is us the question always arises, which is do we create the outside or does it determine the inside of us?

Through our behaviour we are pushed into doing things because of social conventions but we also do things as a result of trauma that is held inside of us. Both of these different kinds of influences affect the male and female balance within and it is up to us to consider this balance and get it in check in order to get ourselves back to health.

To marry someone else is an opportunity to come clean with trauma, where you can be free to speak your truth and be able to work through the consequence with love and understanding. If we can find this without getting married, all well and good, but marriage offers this amazing gift.

By making the contract of marriage, forces conspire to try and make us address the way the forceful, immediate action forming male energy lives with the compassionate, reflective, creative and relationship forming female energy. It is all about getting the inside right to manifest what you feel is right on the outside, but sometimes something is delivered to us as a gift from the outside to get the inside right! That is beauty that comes when finding external love.

An Insight from 2010 for us in 2011

From my perspective, what struck me about 2010 as we start 2011 is the number of ancestral relationships that needed to be healed.We are constantly connected to our ancestors through the ether and they send their messages down this invisible line and influence our lives whether we like it or not. It is true that some of us would rather be free of this interaction but this can never happen. What is needed, if there is any antagonism between you and them, is forgiveness.When it comes to ancestral forgiveness, this is a two-way process. Much emphasis in self-help programs seems to be on us (the living) forgiving them. However, through the work I have done, it seems that in most cases ancestors, especially close ones, need our forgiveness – they need it from we who are doing the physical living.Even though Earthly dead, our ancestors are still very much alive in spirit and thus they remain still very much interested in what we do. Our actions have a bearing on them because, having passed their efforts on to us, they are very much interested in what we do with it.However, we can also be blocked by one of them and this can also annoy our other ancestors who are actually trying to support us. These rogue ancestors are looking for forgiveness but need to be given the opportunity. You may still harbour anger and resentment towards them when they were alive from what they did to you. This came up for a number of people I worked with and without generalising too much, there was a definite theme going on. Often a parent dies without making their peace with their child. This prevents both from releasing the pain and moving on. Sometimes a huge gulf opens up between parent and sibling and this asks the question: how can this be resolved once the parent is dead?We know that ancestors are in constant communication with us and this gives us the chance to heal both them and us. Many of us are carrying all kinds of feelings and grievances towards our parents and don’t think we have the chance to change this. What seems to have happened in 2010 is that people are actively seeking to heal these relationships. This can be done through meditation by bringing the two parties together in an act of forgiveness.Healing any rift in the ancestry will make you feel lighter and freer but, most importantly, supported. You will be able to walk into any situation and feel your point of view can be maintained, if you believe in it, by those who also believe in it and in you – your ancestors. This is very empowering when it comes to pushing through what you are here to do, and let’s face it; we are all here to do something. Within this may lay the reason why I was attracting so many people who needed to receive this form of forgiveness. Many spiritual observers have well-documented the change we are in and how this is going to get more intense. People obviously, therefore, have to adapt to these changes and also prepare themselves for more to come.It is imperative to gain more support during this time, and this means to look across the board at all your relationships – dead or alive. Those that are not working may start to fall by the wayside while new ones are formed. And those relationships that we keep forever, because they are the making of our blood (our ancestors), need to be healed. They are, in part, the making of you and this is to speak about harmony. Within the genetic pool that is your bloodline there is a great power; a great force that comes with unity and this power can make things happen. It can equip you with everything you need – focus, strength, passion, endurance and of course the right to be you. This is to have your say in what you believe and the opportunity to make your mark.Within ancestral unity, together and in peace, your life opens up. This is one hell of a carrot that leads to you achieving what you need to do. In these changing times it is time to heal and forgive.

Why There is No Room for the Guru in Western Spiritual Pursuites

In the West we are doing something different from people in the East. Westerners are in the process of evolving individualism. By the very nature of this, westerners have to turn their back on the guru. In the East the guru still has an important role to play. People there move forward collectively – as a group. Here in the West we move forward individually and spread the word in that way. The western wider group may follow but it usually is not due to a collective decision. People just look for the new so they can follow the trends. Hence in the West there are goats and sheep but the underlying force that is presently pushing western societies forward is the pursuit of individualism.Following the guru in the West doesn’t work and the younger generation who seek out information know it, albeit unconsciously, for some. They are not looking for someone to worship when it comes to developing new ideas; they are caught up in the wave of change that we are all under at present. This change is governed by individualism.When people look for answers they often take a spiritual perspective to try and understand a greater outlook. If you are reading this then I guess you are one of these people. There is a process to this western development and you are doing the processing. The guru removed this. By giving you the answers you hand over your processing and this is no good in the land of individualism.I have always been struck by what difference it makes putting PHD at the end of your name if you are a spiritual teacher. It reminds me of an old hang-up of gurulism. Believe it or not there is no spiritual qualification. Yes there is a qualification of study but that doesn’t mean you have done any processing. There is no spiritual qualification because the very act of spiritual development is not a test of memory, nor is it governed by whether you have got a structured argument and it cannot be marked by someone else. In fact, what you seek spiritually can’t be judged by any other person as this is central to individualism, which is the route to spiritual development. By the very nature of having a PHD, you are joining a club and denying individualism.Now don’t get me wrong. I think having a PHD is a good thing and it shows what you can achieve but it is not a spiritual qualification. That qualification belongs to you. Let me explain. Spiritual development is a process. From this process information is growing, along with groups that have various forms of practice and venues where you can hear spiritual teachers. Books, blogs and internet forums all have their place in your spiritual development if you choose. However, the process is yours, as it is your development.Individualism is buried deep within western spiritualism. Thus this makes it different from eastern spiritualism and why those working to develop this aspect of themselves have to look to the West for their answers. The western spiritual tradition has always been centred on your soul journey and that means your personal communication with your soul. In order for you to become awakened you must have this communication, which is very individual.It is this communication with their soul that the young generation of spiritual seekers are looking for. The rhetoric, clever speeches and information that is not action based is beginning to wane. With the new time comes a whole bunch of new questions. These young people sense this and are getting ready. They are finding new ways to connect, new avenues of interaction, which are all based around individualism. Through this they will develop a greater communication with their soul.

The 7 Levels

When we are born we re-enter the physical plane. The point of this is for us to work through the limitations that come with being in matter on Earth. This is how us humans get a chance to develop ourselves, but this can only be done with trust.To be here means we have to gain shelter, feed and protect ourselves because what comes with having a physical body is vulnerability. The problem with this is it can lead us into depending on the physical plane for our security.Yes we have to work with matter to exist here; it is not, however, why we are here – this is to develop into a more awakened human being. Some people become so dependent on matter and so fearful of losing it that they avoid the changes necessary in their life. Opportunities are meant to come our way; they are the way we evolve by gaining new experiences. If people are frightened of loss they decline these opportunities and cling on to what they already have. This is to get stuck in the material plane, which thus puts your life on hold. Life is about the movement away from matter and into trusting the spirit world. We start life at our most physically dependent – helpless if you like - and we are meant to end it, through what we achieve, in our most spiritual state. Life gives us the chance to do this – it works with us and provides all that it can in order that we succeed – if only we’d pay attention. When we get stuck in matter we tend to see change as something threatening. Have you ever wondered why you are stuck in the same cycles, playing out the same themes and attracting the same events? Or are you simply stuck not knowing what you want to do or do you just want to go further into spirit? These are the blocks that come when we forget we are all being guided by a greater force than matter. Grahame Martin has developed a powerful self-development course that consists of meeting once a month for a total of seven months. On each of these days blocks are unlocked and in clearing them another level is achieved – seven in all. The month in between is very important, as you need this time to undergo your transformation and further your perception. Each of the Seven Mysteries is an exploration into your movement from matter to spirit, so starts with your base and finishes with the most spiritual aspect of yourself.Grahame Martin has been carrying out this work in England, UK, running The Seven Mysteries Course and publishing books on the subject. He understands how these levels interact within you and also how they determine your life because he can see beyond the three-dimensional.